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Friday, April 18, 2008 ; 3:39 AM♥

Here are some jokes that I found it funny :D
Hope u enjoy it !


The children were lined up in the cafeteria

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: " Take only ONE. God is watching. "
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, " Take all you want. God is watching the apples. "



x _____________________________ x



Caught Speeding



Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.


x _____________________________ x



Haunted From The Grave


An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."












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Dumb Blonde

Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in.
New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror.
If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth one is granted a wish.

However, if one tells a lie.

* POOF *

You are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror,
"I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."

* POOF *

the mirror swallowed her up.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says,
"I'm the sexiest woman alive".

* POOF *

the mirror swallowed her too,

Then, an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says,

" I think..."

* POOF *