A professional photographer, at a friend's house for dinner, was asked to show his Portfolio forms a recent overseas trip. His friends were quite impressed " what wonderful Photos! " said the wife " you must have a very expensive camera."
The photographer just smiled and waited until after dinner, when he said "Thank you for the delicious meal
You must have very expensive pans!"
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and hot chocolate and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door bell rang.
There stood her date.
He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late and you're still not ready!?"
x___________________________________x
Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father see's it and says "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me! "Johnny", the father said. You don't do those kind of things to women.
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
x___________________________________x
On the last day of kindergarden, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.
She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
"What is it?" she said.
" A puppy ! "
